28 Nov 2015

Explaining Behaviour : WORKAHOLICS

Sunset
We have all met them. We have worked with them.  We have shared an office, sat on the opposite desk, Some of us may have had a relationship with them.  At times, we may even have been them.  But what drives workaholics?

They are the first to arrive in the morning and the last to leave at night. They spend all the time stuck to their desk, with their head down, always busy.  They are sociable, polite, and interact with everyone in the office, but not very often.  They will be more likely to listen to a conversation, than to participate.  They will accept any work given to them without a word of complaint, or a flinch of disappointment.  We may often see them as the Manager's pet, or as ambitious careerists, and we may even dislike them for this.

But, let's think again.  There is something in this nature that deserve attention and compassion, instead of resentment.

There are some exceptions.  Some workaholic are truly focused people who are out to get the best they can from their career, and are ambitious, and driven.  This article however focuses on those other ones, The ones that ...

... will tend to have little or no self esteem.  They usually don't like or trust themselves and so think everyone feels the same way. They keep everyone at arms length as they are always fearful that if people get to know them they will discover that they are a fraud (yes, even if we think that they are actually very good at their job, they do not believe it!).

Their constant thought is "if I say no they won't like me, or respect me". They are usually very happy to help or actually do work for their colleagues, as that makes them feel valued and appreciated.  However this also makes it very easy for them to be manipulated and do twice the work of anybody else. Unfortunately they always second guess everything, and they do and hate making decisions just in case they make the wrong one.

If they have been promoted to a high position they cannot understand how they got there. When they are not at work they worry that they might have forgotten something important so are not very attentive at home.  They may often even bring extra work at home!

They are quite distant to their spouses because they think the only reason their spouses like them is because of the material things that they can provide. They have no idea how to be with their kids because their role model was so bad. They do feel but find it impossible to show or talk about emotions.

So, if you are like this ... believe in yourself!  You have a lot to offer, and it's not just at work.  You family needs your love as well as the income you bring.  Your work doesn't need you after hours.  Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am a great person! I have a lot to offer!  People will like me for who I am, not for what I do!".   Repeat it until you believe it!  If you find this difficult, send me a message using my profile page, I can help you.

If you are in a relationship with someone like this, appreciate their hard work, and their continuous effort.  Talk to them, explain that love is as important as salary.  Initially, to help them cope with the transition, "schedule" family time with them, as if it were a meeting at the office.  Let them learn step by step how to be themselves, and show them how much you like them when they are like that.

If you work with someone like this, don't give them all your work.  Respect them!  Appreciate them!  Make them feel appreciated!

Balance is sometime difficult to achieve, but with compassion, love, care, and tenderness, it maybe much closer than you believe!