10 Apr 2015

Mental-Emotional-Spiritual (and Physical) balance – Part 3 - What if we don't gain balance?

What if we lose, or never gain this balance?

In the previous post, we looked at why it is helpful to fulfil the needs of all the facets of our being, and I argued that once achieved this Mental-Emotional-Spiritual (and Physical) balance, it is relatively simple to maintain. This implied, however, that it is not particularly easy to achieve in the first place.

When we talk about gaining or regaining composure, whether one is trying to regain this balance or to achieve it for the first time, they face a similar struggle. The only difference is that those who have never gained equilibrium will consider it a kind of "holy grail"; instead, those who have lost it will know that it is possible, it is achievable, and it is beneficial.

Firstly, let us consider what can cause someone to lose or never gain a Mental-Emotional-Spiritual (and Physical) balance.

In my experience, this can be caused by many factors. Something like abuse, neglect, a co-dependent relationship, losing one's job or home. Sometimes even just prolonged contact with someone with a very negative energy (i.e. someone without balance, or who has experienced abuse, neglect, a co-dependent relationship, or lost their job or home) can have devastating effects to our own inner peace.

How do we deal with it?

Even in the most extreme cases, the starting point is always to meet the needs of all four facets of ourselves, as mentioned in part 2. This must include a deep analysis searching for the causes and possible solutions. As mentioned in part 1, “contemplating one’s own situation, and mustering the willpower” necessary is always the first step.

Talk, talk, talk

The one thing I found helps in bringing it all together is talking! Talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. Finding someone who has the time and the care, and who does not judge is essential (failing that writing could help too!)

Talking affects at least three (if not all) of our inner facets: Mental-Emotional-Spiritual, which in turn then aid the Physical facet. This is because when talking, we do the following:
  • We verbalise. It is incredible how different things sounds when we say them compared to when we think them (Mental facet) 
  • We rationalise and analyse. Hearing ourselves saying something, rather than having a distant voice rumbling in our head, can help us understand what we actually think (Mental facet) 
  • We externalise. We push our thoughts and our emotions outside of our inner selves (Emotional facet) 
  • We share. A problem shared is a problem halved, right? (Emotional and Spiritual facets) 
  • The listener will preferably be empathetic and sympathetic, which will make us feel better (Emotional, Spiritual, and potentially Physical facets) 
In part 1 I gave an example how this work on a small scale, with a little issue. The interesting thing about talking is that it works exactly in the same way on a big scale. With big problems, it just takes a lot more talking.

What is insanity?
As I mentioned in part 2, many psychologists and counsellors will recommend therapy. And this is the reason why therapy works. For those who cannot have those necessary meaningful conversations they need with their friends or loved ones, therapy is an excellent alternative. Sometimes a necessary one.

What is therapy if not talking? Talking, analysing, and delving deeply and honestly into which needs are to be met; and talking more about how to meet those needs with a friendly, sympathetic, and helpful listener.


I mentioned honestly in the last paragraph. This brings me to second attribute essential to gaining or regaining balance, which is Honesty. By honesty, I mean the ability to look inside ourselves without hiding anything from ourselves, no matter how painful, shameful, or unpleasant what we find is.

This second attribute is more difficult than the first one. When someone has been having a hard time for a while, they do not want to relive their pain. They want to obliterate it from their minds and from their memories. They believe that if they forget they will feel better.

However, as I mentioned in part 2, Emotions grow and fester, particularly negative ones. From anger comes hate, from sorrow comes desperation, from pain comes agony, and so on.


All in all, finding inner peace can be a long a painful journey. Particularly for those who have experienced suffering in their lives. But it is definitely worth it. A good Mental-Emotional-Spiritual (and Physical) balance brings contentment, it allows one to enjoy life, and it allows one to face whatever life throws at them.

Not only, if one has inner peace, one will also have an aura. Like anger, peace is contagious, it spread to all those around us. The joy that we feel will bring forth more contentment, and will help us gain and maintain relationships that are more fruitful, fulfilling, and satisfying.

Next steps

So, when we achieve inner peace and a good Mental-Emotional-Spiritual (and Physical) balance it will be time to help other achieve the same. Which will be the subject of the next and final post on the subject.

Articles in this mini-series:

  1. What is balance?
  2. What does Mental-Emotional-Spiritual (and Physical) balance mean?
  3. What if we lose, or never gain this balance?
  4. Got balance? Time to help others

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